Thinking back over the years...

I've been sitting here thinking about some of the things Josh and I have been through together throughout the years. Since I've been telling myself I need to write it all down, I thought I'd type it all out on our blog and that way, I could share it with all of you! It is going to be LONG so good for you if you even make it through the whole thing! lol So here's our story...

About nine years ago, I was driving around with a friend of mine and he said that he wanted to stop by a friend's house to say hi. We went in and said hi to Josh, who I had never met before, and I thought he was sooo cute! We continued to see eachother every once in a while but neither of us talked much because we were both really shy. One day, we were both in the back seat of my sister's car driving around with her and she said to Josh, "Tonia thinks your really cute and sweet and she really likes you." I was very embarrased and I'm sure I turned red...Josh replied very quietly, "well, I really like her too." So that was the start of it all. lol We went to every school dance together and just couldn't get enough of eachother.
7 1/2 years ago, we both moved to Cedar City. Josh found a job there and I went to school and worked as well. We had so many fun times together in Cedar. We were married on April 5th, 2002. That day was so amazing for both of us. We were so unbelievably happy that we were finally married after dating for so long! I married my best friend that day. Looking back and thinking about how completely in love with him I was, I could never imagine that it would even be possible to love him any more than I did that day, but I do.
Two months after we were married, we found out we were expecting our first baby. Oops. Although it was a surprise, we were very excited. When Makailee was born, Josh and I just broke into tears. We couldn't believe how beautiful and perfect she was. The next few months were pretty rough. Makailee had bad jaundice and had to be in a bili blanket for a while which was a hard thing for first time parents to deal with. Once the jaundice was over with, she developed severe reflux. She projectile vomitted all day every day until she was about 5 months old. While that was very hard to deal with, she was such a sweet and happy baby.

When Makailee was about a year old, I went to the ER because I was having some bad allergy problems. They didn't like my heart rate and were very worried about it. They monitored it for a while, but it wouldn't go below about 160. They decided that they needed to give me something through an IV that would stop and restart my heart. That was terrifying. When they did that I felt like I was dying. All I could think of was Josh and Makailee and how much Makailee needed her mommy. Once I was out of the hospital, I was immediately put on heart medication and sent to a cardiologist. Of course I couldn't get in to see a cardiologist for a few weeks so we just had to wait. During that time, I became very very sick. I couldn't get out of bed. I felt like I had the flu but a million times worse. I couldn't take care of Makailee anymore so my mom had to come and help me for a while. During the next few weeks, I was in and out of the ER almost on a daily basis. I had sharp stabbing pains in my heart and felt like I was going to pass out constantly. It was very scary for all of us. None of the ER doctors could ever figure out what was wrong, and they would just up my medication each time and send me home. It was definitely the hardest time in my life. Once I was finally able to see the cardiologist, he put me on a holter monitor for a couple of days and after that and TONS of EKG's, I found out that my heart was fine, it was just beating very fast. He sent me to a regular doctor where I was finally told that I was suffering from very severe anxiety and depression. I couldn't believe it! I had no clue that all of the physical anguish I was going through could possibly be from anxiety and depression! He explained it all to me and explained how severe it was and that we needed to get me on medication immediately. The mediation started to help pretty quickly and I started feeling much better. I was able to talk to people again and take care of my baby again. I started feeling like myself. I was on medication for about a year until I felt like I could function without it. That was such a dark and scary time for me, but looking back, I realize that it did make me stronger. I appreciated my family more, I appreciated life more.

When Makailee was two years old, we found out we were expecting another baby. We were so excited for Makailee to be a big sister.

We found out that he was going to be a boy and we couldn't have been happier. We went through quite allot with Jaxton once he was born...

He was also born with severe reflux. While he threw up a tiny bit less than Makailee did, was constantly in a ton of pain. He cried and cried and cried all day long. It was very tough. It made us so sad to think of him being in so much pain. We tried different medications and a million other things, but nothing seemed to help. He completely stopped growing at about 2 months old. From then on, we went through heck. We had weekly weight checks with his doctor, which then went to daily weight checks. No matter how much he ate, he wasn't growing. The doctor was so worried and ordered a ton of tests. He mentioned things like Cystic Fibrosis, DiGeorge Syndrome, etc. We were terrified. Needless to say, I didn't sleep at all during the next few months. They admitted Jaxton to the hospital to do more testing and so that they could actually WATCH me feed him for 2 days to make sure I wasn't depriving him intentionally. That was hard to swallow but of course we were willing to do anything to find out what was wrong with our baby. After tons of testing, the doctor and radiologist informed us that they were pretty certain Jaxton had a heart problem. They both agreed that they saw an abnormality with his heart. The doctor called me at home and informed me of this and told me that we needed to head to Primary Children's. He told me that while he didn't want to scare me, we should be prepared for Jaxton possibly having to have open heart surgery that day. I completely lost it. All of my hopes and dreams for my baby seemed to crumble. We went to Primary Children's where they first tested Jaxton for DiGeorge Syndrome, which our doctor was pretty certain Jaxton had. Then they sent us home and had us come back the next day to do an Echo on his heart. He had to be put to sleep while they did this. A few agonizing days later, we were told that Jaxton did not have DiGeorge Syndrome and he also did not have a heart problem. His heart looked perfect. Talk about a HUGE relief. I just cried and cried and held my perfectly healthy baby boy. From then on Jaxton just decided to start gaining weight! He started packing it on and became a very healthy weight. The little turkey scared us to death.

We are so very blessed to be able to have Makailee and Jaxton in our lives. They both have amazing little spirits. Jaxton is our little cuddle bug. He is so loving and sweet and loves to give hugs and kisses. He is hillarious. He loves to make people laugh. Makailee is our little princess. She is totally full of drama and is very emotional and we love every second of it. She also loves to make people laugh and is always laughing herself. She just loves life...any little thing makes her happy. The thing that is so much fun for Josh and I to see is the relationship that Makailee and Jaxton have together. They absolutely adore eachother.

While we have been through some hard times together, we have had many more happy times than bad. We truly couldn't be happier. We have eachother...that's what gets us through each day and each trial.